Sigh.
Sunday, 2 December 2012
In case you were wondering...
Instead of most people taking this whole 21/12/12 theory with a pinch of salt (no, not the bath salts that make people turn into 'zombies' and eat people's faces: http://ieweekly.com/2012/11/feature-stories/bath-salts-the-new-hard-drug-or-just-something-for-the-youngsters/), many people have seemingly been taking it so seriously that NASA have felt to obliged to add a FAQ for "Will the world end in 2012?" to their official site - http://www.nasa.gov/topics/earth/features/2012.html
So, let's say the world IS ending...
Well, let's go out on a whim and say that the world is going to end, and we're all going to die. But by some impossibly lucky catch in the system, reminiscent of that classic "who would you put in a hot air balloon when everyone else is going to die" school game, we get to save one person.
Who? Well, I can guess that the majority of the vote will go to Chuck Norris, nominated by millions of internet obsessives who think that the "Chuck Norris" jokes are still (well, they never were, but...) funny. This would probably be justified by him being able to defend the voter from the potential zombie apocalypse, due to his brute strength alone. Logical.
Taking out all the other equally predictable internet stars, people may state family members as there choice. Although kind on the outside, when you look into it you may discover that instead of allowing their family members a probably quick death in the apocalypse, they are offering them a chance to fend off several million zombies before inevitably being ripped apart. Kind.
Please comment with other suggestions, subscribe e.t.c, you've only got 19 days left...
Who? Well, I can guess that the majority of the vote will go to Chuck Norris, nominated by millions of internet obsessives who think that the "Chuck Norris" jokes are still (well, they never were, but...) funny. This would probably be justified by him being able to defend the voter from the potential zombie apocalypse, due to his brute strength alone. Logical.
Taking out all the other equally predictable internet stars, people may state family members as there choice. Although kind on the outside, when you look into it you may discover that instead of allowing their family members a probably quick death in the apocalypse, they are offering them a chance to fend off several million zombies before inevitably being ripped apart. Kind.
Please comment with other suggestions, subscribe e.t.c, you've only got 19 days left...
The Beginning... of the End
The END IS NIGH. (Cue melodramatic music, zombies in the place of humans, skeptics watching with disgust, the promised 'judgement' [judgement day] being biased and corrupt, served on a bed of a ridiculous premise - [think Britain's Got Talent]).
I'm frustrated. According to a large influx of media, on 21st December we're all going to die. In the eyes of deranged cults, this newsflash is a blessing for them to prove that their ideas - that bring skeptics out in a cold, cynical sweat - are justified and true.
Personally, I think they are absolutely ridiculous - and if they are, for some impossible reason, true - that kinda sucks. I mean, I won't even get to indulge in the extra-large chocolate in my advent calendar. The image of a wild pack of zombies chomping my last Christmassy Lindt chocolates whilst trying to say: "Lindt - Do you dream in chocolate?" through their mouthful of human flesh and gristle... well, makes me a little bit sick.
I can't even get into the apocalyptic spirit by going to the Prodigy's Pre-End-Of-The-World gig because I'm not old enough. So, bah humbug to the end. Nonetheless, I'm going to keep you updated with all these fantastically far-fetched stories, as we build up to 'the end', but I will of course keep my skeptical nature intact.
And for some weird (cough, cough: LOGICAL) reason we live to tell the tale of bloody nothing happening on the 21st, I'll keep you in the know about any other deathly theories that are prophecised (cough, cough: INVENTED). God, I've got a pretty bad cough - must be the pungent whiff of bullshit surrounding these myths... (and the end, begins...)
I'm frustrated. According to a large influx of media, on 21st December we're all going to die. In the eyes of deranged cults, this newsflash is a blessing for them to prove that their ideas - that bring skeptics out in a cold, cynical sweat - are justified and true.
Personally, I think they are absolutely ridiculous - and if they are, for some impossible reason, true - that kinda sucks. I mean, I won't even get to indulge in the extra-large chocolate in my advent calendar. The image of a wild pack of zombies chomping my last Christmassy Lindt chocolates whilst trying to say: "Lindt - Do you dream in chocolate?" through their mouthful of human flesh and gristle... well, makes me a little bit sick.
I can't even get into the apocalyptic spirit by going to the Prodigy's Pre-End-Of-The-World gig because I'm not old enough. So, bah humbug to the end. Nonetheless, I'm going to keep you updated with all these fantastically far-fetched stories, as we build up to 'the end', but I will of course keep my skeptical nature intact.
And for some weird (cough, cough: LOGICAL) reason we live to tell the tale of bloody nothing happening on the 21st, I'll keep you in the know about any other deathly theories that are prophecised (cough, cough: INVENTED). God, I've got a pretty bad cough - must be the pungent whiff of bullshit surrounding these myths... (and the end, begins...)
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